Sitting in bed with the stomach flu. Guess now is as good a time as any. Well, for about 3 years Joel and I have been feverishly working to have another child. In that time we know of only one pregnancy. It was my ectopic last October. In God's gracious timing it was while my parents were here. They helped transport me to the doc, entertain Ross Boss and replace all our houses windows. Amazing! God gave me Amazing parents.
In the last year I have been working with my doc on a very limited basis to figure out what our issue is. Here is the deal. My next step in the 'getting pregnant' process is to take hormones. But alas we are both undecided. How do we know which path is right? If we have another baby will we allow it to limit our adopting? I have always thought that if it doesn't happen naturally then it wasn't meant to be. I don't know that I am correct. I am just lost. Sin affects our world. People die; I know that all too well. So is a lacking fertility out of God's design? Which then changes my stance.
I am all too happy to skip the infant stage. Ive done it twice and after my life experience it is not happy memories. It was a time of great stress(well at least it was with Ross; with Jacob it was surreal). Maybe I do it one more time to show myself it doesn't always end in tragedy?
Joel said that he wants me to start our adoption process. We did the initial application and have orientation Tuesday.
I think all my stress is a wish for His answer. I would like to know the plan he has for us. More kids? How many? From where? How long will it take?
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